cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
