oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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