Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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