Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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