Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
