I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
