I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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