The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
