nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
