last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I touched a dick in church today
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
