i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
as a side note pls kill me
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
