So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
