he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
