Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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