Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
