I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
