three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
