I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
