This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
