before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
