I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
