i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
