you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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