you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
