I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
