you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
