$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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