they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
