it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
