I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
