When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
