Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
