I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
