I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
