We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
