very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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