i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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