Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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