she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
