i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock deserves a montage
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize