Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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