Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Girls should come with a carfax report
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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