why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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