One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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