can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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