Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
