wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
you made out with another girl for some wings
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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