How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
