i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
