the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
