Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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