Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
