dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
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When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
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Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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