Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
