Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Sorry my hands just texted you
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
