Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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