The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
