Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
