I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
