Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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