Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
