if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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