Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
