On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
