I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My bed smells like the plague
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
