girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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