I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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