Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
