3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
