pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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