i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
