rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
