Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
