I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
