I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
