Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
