Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
