If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
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